


Baby, you won’t need any felix felicis to get lucky tonight

by Remustrash



Series: the moon and the stars [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bisexual Sirius Black, Clueless puppies, Crack Treated Seriously, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Gay Remus Lupin, Getting Together, I'm Bad At Tagging, James Ships It, Jealousy, Lily Ships It, M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-07 23:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15230013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remustrash/pseuds/Remustrash
Summary: Remus tries some pick-up lines and Sirius is uncharacteristically oblivious





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a stupid, cringy idea. But it made me happy to write it. 
> 
> The idea came from this prompt: http://merry--crisis.tumblr.com/post/160675750045/sirius-is-the-green-and-remus-is-the-gray
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

 

 

The first thought that comes to Remus’ head the first day of his seventh year at Hogwarts when he opens his eyes to the unfairly attractive face of Sirius Black is that he simply can’t take it anymore. He will not endure one more year of trying to convince himself that he is not truly and irrevocably head over heels in love with the boy that is now leaning over him.

“Good morning” he manages to get out, trying to look anywhere except his friend’s bare chest, which is so close to his own that he can feel, almost _smell_ the heat it radiates.

Sirius smiles. Remus thinks that if one of these days he finally loses his mind and gets on his knees in the Great Hall to ask Sirius to have him right there on the table in front of the whole student body and the wise look of headmaster Dumbledore, it is all going to be because of that stupid, cocky smile.

“Hallo” says Sirius, and his raspy morning voice makes Remus quickly glance down to check that the sheets are covering his crotch. “I’ve missed you, Moons”

This little morning routine has been going on for years, and still Remus’ heart gives a hopeful little jump every time he hears those words.

“I’ve missed you too, Sirius” he whispers. And the emotion, the love, the desperation in his voice is so obvious that Sirius _must_ have heard it. A part of Remus wants him to notice, a part that is getting almost too big to hide. He believes he sees a question appear in Sirius’ eyes, but the moment goes away when James launches himself at them.

“I’ve missed you too” James shouts.

“Oi, mate” grunts Sirius. His head is pressed to Remus’ chest and he can feel Sirius’ smile form against his skin. “You better lose some weight or I won’t let you be on top again”

“Move, you giant poof” says James. “I’m trying to give my Moony a welcome kiss”

Remus wants to tell him that that is not necessary, but then Sirius and James start wrestling and there’s definitely too much rubbing going on for Remus’ sanity, so he pushes both of the boys off his bed and snorts when they continue fighting on the floor.

 

 

Two days into the academic year he starts making a list on his mind of every possible outcome of telling Sirius how much he wants to snog him senseless:

  1. Sirius will find him disgusting and will never talk to him again, thus destroying the



       Marauders completely

  1. Sirius is definitely straight and everything gets unbearably awkward



Those two possibilities are enough to make him want to throw himself into bed and sleep into next year when he won’t have to see Sirius every goddamn day, which sounds both like a torture and a relief. However, there’s still one more horrible outcome that keeps him up at night, perhaps the most dreadful:

  1. Sirius likes blokes, too, but does not return his feelings



He would rather see Sirius shag a dozen girls in front of him than watch another guy lay a finger on his friend.

The safest choice would probably be to find himself another bloke, perhaps that Hufflepuff who looks a bit similar to Sirius if you squint and the lighting is right, and try to forget about how much he likes the excited expression on Sirius’ face when he’s telling Remus about how much process he’s made this summer with his flying motorcycle. But he’s a Gryffindor, damn it. He owes it to the Sorting Hat to grow a pair and take the risk. A war is probably coming, he reminds himself, and if something goes horribly wrong he can always announce he’s going into hiding and move to South America.

He makes up his mind. He’s going to tell Sirius how he feels.

 

 

He can’t tell Sirius how he feels. What would he even say? He’s not good at all that romance stuff in the first place. Yes, he’s stuck his hand down some boys’ pants in a small broom cupboard late at night, but those pants always belonged to someone that had approached _him_. Never the other way around. Never someone he felt romantically attracted to.

Sirius, on the other hand, is close to being pronounced Don Juan of the year by Witch Weekly with how he has managed to snog nearly every one of the female students above the sweet age of fifteen. He claims that he has taken the innocence of at least nine girls, including James Potter. At least this fact gives Remus the hope that Sirius will eventually get bored of the female attributes and go looking on the other side of the field, an exploration trip Remus would be more than willing to guide him through.

He’s about to give up and go looking for that Hufflepuff when he witnesses a scene that gives him what may be the best or worst idea his supposedly intelligent self has ever had.

“So,” A pretty blonde girl is nestled against Sirius in the couch of the common room. She gives Sirius a smile that is anything but shy, and confidently says: “Kiss me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Richard?”

Remus is considering how rude it would be to burst out laughing when he sees something that leaves him open-mouthed.

It _worked_.

That cheesy, overused line actually worked, because Sirius is throwing his head back and roaring with laughter but it’s definitely not the same type of laugh Remus was about to let out. Sirius is laughing in a way that says ‘you’re incredible’ and ‘how have we not shagged yet’ and Remus feels like the wolf in him wants to rip that girl to shreds.

That is how he comes up with The Plan.

If that girl can make a stupid pick-up line work, Remus can too. It is a relatively safe plan, he thinks, because if Sirius responds badly to his flirting Remus can always play it out as a joke. He has been attempting to flirt with Sirius since he knows the meaning of the word, anyways. It never worked, because flirting is part of Sirius’ personality, so he never notices when Remus (or any boy, for that matter) touches him a bit too much too often. But this technique seems a bit more up-front, and perhaps it’ll be obvious enough that Sirius will actually consider the possibility of them shagging.

Yes, Remus has a plan. Now he only needs to pray that the library of the ancient Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has a surprisingly extensive book on pick-up lines.

 

 

Remus grabs his head in surrender. Of course there wouldn’t be a book on pick-up lines in the library. Which kind of library would have a book like that? But he had hoped that at least there would be some kind of How To book on wooing that he could use. He considers for a moment just how embarrassing it would be to ask Madam Pince about it.

“Hey” whispers someone, sitting down on the other side of the table. Remus looks up to find the concerned expression of Lily Evans. He gives her a half-hearted smile. “Bad day?”

He looks at her pensively, mentally evaluating the consequences of asking for her help. He decides that if there is one person he can talk to about his dilemma, that person is Lily Evans. As long as it is not something she can use against James, Remus knows he can trust her to keep quiet about it.

“I need your help” he confesses. He manages to explain the situation using gender-neutral pronouns, but he sees the way in which the corner of her mouth twitches the tenth time he says ‘person.’ She doesn’t say anything, however, which is very nice from her considering how very curious she looks. Remus decides to put her out of her misery.

“You know, don’t you?” he sighs, looking away and feeling the heat rise to his cheeks.

“Yeah” she admits. Remus feels a hand lay softly on top of his in the table. “And you know you don’t have anything to be ashamed of, don’t you?”

He nods, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t hate that part of him, not really. Still, part of him is afraid his friends will feel uncomfortable around him, considering he lives with them most of the year and has seen them all in many stages of nakedness, a fact that he ‒a hormonal seventeen years old‒ has definitely never ever thought about late at night with a wandering hand on his lap (and he would convert to the Dark Side before admitting otherwise).

“Is it Sirius, then?” asks Lily, and then immediately looks guilty. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. I’ll help you anyways”

Remus’ eyebrows rise in surprise.

“It’s Sirius” Remus admits with a sigh. “It’s pretty obvious, isn't it?”

“It kinda is, to be honest. At least for everyone that’s not Black”

“Maybe he knows, and he thinks it’s more polite to ignore it”

“Polite?” Lily gives a snort. “Do you really think Black wouldn’t tease you for the rest of your life if he knew you fancied him?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right” Remus smiles, thankful.

“So let’s do this” she says, giving Remus a mischievous smile that makes him rethink whether he made the right choice by asking for her help.

 

  

To Remus’ surprise, Lily knows quite a few pick-up lines. To Remus’ utter astonishment, almost all of them are quite dirty. He jots down the lines he believes Sirius will find amusing and restrains himself from asking Lily where she got them from. He briefly wonders why James never tried any pick-up line with the redhead. Maybe he did, and that’s how he got a black eye that one time. Anyway, Remus is not about to give him any ideas.

He mutters the lines under his breath until he memorizes them, and practices them in front of the mirror whenever he’s alone in the bedroom. The Marauders are organizing one of their parties this week to celebrate the start of their last year, and Lily believes it is the best opportunity for Remus to try out his new technique.

At 9.30 p.m that Friday he’s already downed four shots of Firewhisky, and starts looking around for Sirius in the Gryffindor common room. There’s quite a lot of people, since students from sixth and seventh year of all houses except Slytherin were invited, and Remus pushes his way through the dancing crowd until he spots Sirius leaning against a wall and talking to a curvy brunette. He walks towards them and quietly leans on the wall next to his friend. The girl glances at him but continues talking to Sirius for a full two minutes, until she starts getting uncomfortable under Remus’ fixed stare. She gives Remus one last nasty look, tells Sirius she’ll be back, and disappears in the crowd.

“Hey” says Sirius, finally turning toward Remus. “You’re drunk”

“No, I’m Remus” he corrects him, chuckling at his own joke.

“Yeah, you make stupid jokes when you’re drunk” Sirius points out, shaking his head, but he’s smiling. “I like it though”

“Or maybe…” Remus points a finger at him.  “Maybe you just like me”

“Of course I like you Moony” Sirius frowns. He doesn’t seem drunk enough for this, Remus thinks, so he pushes the glass towards him.

“Drink” he orders. “I need to ask you something” he says, after Sirius has downed the Firewhisky as easy as if it were water. He gestures for Sirius to come closer. “Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?”

Sirius looks perplexed for about two minutes. Then, a confused expression appears on his face.

“I don’t know how drunk you are, mate” Sirius says. “But dinosaurs never existed in the first place”

At first, Remus thinks Sirius is having him on. However, if he can still trust his eyes in this state of intoxication, Sirius seems to genuinely believe in what he had just said.

“Dinosaurs did exist, Sirius” he affirms. “They disappeared centuries ago”

“Didn’t you just ask if they still existed?” He shakes his head. “And I’m pretty sure they’re a muggle invention anyways”

“No, they’re not!” Remus repeats, a bit annoyed. He hates when Sirius does this thing where he questions scientific facts just because they’re part of muggle culture and not the magic world. He’s about to drunkenly explain to Sirius the wonders of palaeontology when the girl from before returns and invites Sirius to dance with her.

“Sorry, mate” Sirius says, patting him on the back. “We’ll pick up the discussion when you’re sober and can see reason again.” He leaves with the girl, who winks at Remus as if she had just won a particularly difficult game of chess.

And perhaps she had.

 

 

Remus once read on a book Peter got him for his birthday ( _“The Monthly Beast: Truths and Myths of the Magic Werewolf”_ ) that werewolves don’t get affected by alcoholic beverages as much as humans do.

The book was wrong.

“Please kill my head” he grunts, with said head against the table.

“Din’t you thrink tha hanfover potion?” Peter manages to say while chewing a toast.

“Yes, but as I’ve told you already hangover potions don’t work on me” He sits straight and his whole body screams. It’s still not as bad as the days after the full moon, and he did this on purpose, so he shouldn’t be complaining.

“Well Moony, my dear, you should learn that in life there’s consequences to your actions” James tells him in a condescending tone.

“You drank twice as much, then drank that bloody potion and slept like a baby”

“Yes, but I didn’t had the awful idea of becoming a werewolf, so really it’s all your fault” James whispers. Remus gives him a look and continues munching on his apple.

“Hey” mumbles Sirius. He yawns as he sits next to Remus. “You look like shit”

“A very needed observation, as always”

“Grumpy, are we?” Sirius raises his eyebrows at him. Stupid perfect eyebrows. Remus wants to punch them.  

 

 

Remus likes to study. He likes reading, both for studying and for pleasure. He loves sitting in the silent library by himself, organising his notes and finding different strategies to learn and memorize dates and facts. He enjoys studying with Lily, which is how they became friends. Sometimes, however, it is quite annoying that he has to make an effort to be a good student, while his friends excel at almost every class without ever opening a book more than once or twice.

“Mister Pettigrew, that’s not...!” shouts Professor McGonagall, as the mouse in Peter’s desk transforms into a long fat snake. Some students near Peter gasp and get as far from him as possible, even though the snake is trapped inside the mouse’s cage. McGonagall sighs, walks quickly towards Peter’s desk and transforms the snake back into a rat.

Okay, so not all of his friends are naturally brilliant. Poor Peter is the exception that makes Remus feel really good with himself.

“Umm, Sirius?”

The boy stops doodling on his desk and looks at him.

“Could you help me with this? I can’t get the wand movement right” he asks, almost pouting. Remus is good at lying. After all, he’s been trained to do so since the day he was bitten.

“Sure” Sirius stands up and gets closer to him. “Look, it’s like this” He moves his left hand slowly as he recites the spell. “But with your wand, of course. Just imagine you’re drawing a small ribbon”

Remus points at the rat in his desk and attempts the spell. They’re supposed to turn the rat into a cat. He does the movement wrong on purpose and the poor animal only grows a cat’s tail.

“I can’t do it” He lets out a dramatic sigh.

“Here, let me” Sirius stands behind him and grabs Remus’ hand. Remus can feel the up and down of Sirius’ chest against his back. He wills himself to keep calm as Sirius moves their hands around while pronouncing the spell. His mouth is very close to Remus’ ear, so much that his breath tickles him.

“You know, Pads” Remus whispers. His voice breaks at the end and he has to take a deep breath. “You can handle my wand anyday”

He feels Sirius go stiff behind him. Then Sirius’ chest starts to shake against his back, and Remus turns around to find tears on Sirius’ eyes.

“Oh, Merlin” Sirius says, out of breath. He’s laughing so hard a few students are now staring at them curiously. “How did you come up with that?” He dries his eyes with the cuff of his robe. “That’s genius. I need to use that on Minny. Watch this,” he says, and with a mischievous smile he parades towards the professor’s desk.  

 

 

“That’s it. I give up.”

“You’ve only tried twice, Rems” Lily snorts. “You’ll have to work harder than that. Didn’t you learn anything from James?”

“Well, considering James’ success…” he stars.

“Oh, he’ll get there” she interrupts him. She gives him a shy smile. “I’ll kill you if you tell him this, but I think he’s growing on me”

“Who’s growing on you, now?” James’ voice comes from the top of the stairs. He sounds genuinely hurt, so Remus can safely assume he only heard the last part of the conversation. The boy walks towards them and looks at Lily with pleading eyes. Remus expects Lily to tell James to fuck off, as that is how those two usually communicate, but Lily looks directly into James’ eyes and says in a calmed voice: “You, Potter.” Then she gets up and walks towards the portrait hole. James follows her with his eyes. Once she’s out of sight, he turns to Remus.

“Did that really happen?” he asks with a perplexed expression. Remus justs laughs, but James keeps looking at him as if he’s actually waiting for an answer.

“Yes, Prongs, it did”

“Oh, okay” he says, nodding. “Cool, cool, cool. She just… okay”

“You alright, mate?” he asks, a little worried for his friend’s sanity. James falls down on the sofa next to him, closes his eyes for a second and then smiles at Remus.

“I’m fantastic, my dear Moony” He seems so happy Remus can’t help but return the smile. “So you two were just talking about me?”

“Yes” Remus lies. Then he looks at James, considering him for a moment. He has to come out to him at some point. He’s told himself many times that he’ll do it after school, if he can get that far without anyone outing him. But in moments like this, when it’s only the two of them, Remus finds himself _wanting_ to tell Prongs. James is one of his best friends, and he’s tired of hiding from him such a big part of who he is. And he knows, deep down, that Prongs won’t care. He swallows hard, his hands twitching nervously on his lap. “Not only about you, actually. We were talking about me, about… umm, about a crush”

James’ eyes open with surprise. “Oh” He seems to consider his next words very carefully. “Who is it, then?”

Remus stares at him silently for a moment, gathering courage. “It’s..” he clears his throat. “The thing is, umm, you know him, so…”

“Oh” James looks more nervous than him, which is really not fair at all. “I know _him_ , okay. Do you think he likes you back?”

“Aren’t you gonna ask about, umm, the pronouns or something?” Remus lets out a nervous chuckle. James gives him a half-smile, then puts his hand on Remus’ twitching ones. Remus looks at their hands, then back at James.

“If you need to hear me say it, I’ll say it, Moony” James says, looking more calmed. “I don’t care that you turn into a murderous beast once a month. Really, it’s good practice for when Lily finally marries me” His smile gets wider at that. “Wait, that is actually a possibility now , isn’t it?”

“James” Remus says, impatient to hear what James is trying to say.

“Yeah, okay, sorry. I don’t care about that, because I know it’s something you can’t control” he continuous. “So why would I care who you wanna bang, Moony?” he seems to reconsider the last part. “Unless it’s me. Or Lily. Then I’ll care”

Remus realizes he’s been holding his breath, and he lets all the air out suddenly.

“So, do you know other gay guys here at school?” James asks, and he seems so honestly curious that Remus’ chest fills with gratitude. “You guys are so good at hiding it! Really, I suspected you were gay, but I was more convinced that you just weren’t interested in sex at all. How do you even know if a guy is into guys? Do you have some kind of signal or something?”

“Well, we usually do this thing where we stare fixedly at a boy” Remus jokes, “until he either asks what’s wrong with you or shoves you inside a broom-cupboard”

James’ eyes go impossibly wide. “Oh, Merlin. Is that why you stare at Sirius all the time?”

Remus gapes like a fish out of water. “Would you believe me if I told you I’m actually in love with Peter?”

“You’re _in love_ with Sirius?” James whispers, as if Sirius could hear him from wherever in the castle he is right now. That reminds Remus that it’s nearly one hour past midnight and Sirius is not in his bed, which probably means he’s with some girl, which at the same time reminds him of how utterly ridiculous it is to be in love with someone like Sirius.

“Please don’t tell him”

“Wait, he…” James frowns. “he stares at you too, now that I think about it” He seems to be really thinking about it, because he zones out for a moment. “Ha! So he _was_ staring at your butt that time” He looks at Remus. “When will you tell him, then?”

Remus blushes and tries to explain his plan to woo Sirius. It sounds really stupid when he explains it out loud, but James doesn’t laugh, which he guesses is a good sign. Or a bad sign. He’s not sure.

“Why don’t you just tell him, though?” James asks. Remus makes a face, Prongs gets the message. “Right. We need to get you both drunk, then” he states.

“Already tried that” Remus whines. “What if he’s only pretending he doesn’t have a clue to give me an easy way out, because he’s not into guys?”

James lets out a laugh so loud Remus is afraid he woke up every Gryffindor in the Tower. “Are you shitting me? Do you really think Sirius is _straight_? Oh my, Moony, your gaydar is complete shit”

Remus blinks at him, not sure if he’s joking. “You think he’s gay?”

“No, not gay. But I know for certain he's not straight, either” Prongs snorts. “Sirius hits everything that moves, I thought that was clear for everyone. It never occurred to me that he might be into _you_ , but… Not that you’re not good-looking, I just didn’t thought about it”

“Did he told you he has… you know, with boys?” Remus asks, even though he’s not sure he wants to hear the answer. To his surprise, an intense red colours James’ face.

“Well, he…” Prongs hesitates. “He sort of asked me to kiss him a few years ago to, you know, to see if he was into it.” A suggestive smile curves his lips. “He was into it, alright”

“Oh” It doesn’t bother Remus, really. Part of him is jealous Sirius didn’t ask _him_ for a kiss, but then again he knows he would have probably said no, afraid Sirius would realise how much Remus liked kissing him. “Were _you_ into it?”

“I didn’t hate it” James admits, shrugging his shoulders. He clears his throat. “So, what we’re going to do now is...”

Remus listens carefully. He wonders if it would be too much to take down some notes.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is way shorter than I intended. I had planned on writing a... more explicit part at the end, but I don't have time to do it today and wanted to post this chapter now.   
> Hope you enjoy it!

 

The Marauders’ parties are famous at Hogwarts since their Christmas Party of 1974 (the one where McGonagall went to shut the whole thing down and ended up drunkenly dancing in a corner). Everyone that’s ever been to one can’t stop talking about them. When will the next one be? Will Sirius perform his stripper routine again? Students get invited in different ways, sometimes a piece of parchment hidden among their books, sometimes a quick whisper on their ear. Some parties are celebrated on one of the houses’ common rooms and receive all students above fifth year, some others take place in the Room of Requirements and they are way more exclusive. 

However, if their parties are famous is not only because the music is good, but because: one, there’s sure to be alcohol and two, they are  _ unpredictable _ . No one besides the Marauders knows when the next party will be. That way professors aren’t able to stop them from partying, and Slytherins —who are never invited— aren’t able to rat on them. Besides, their parties always have a  _ reason _ , something to celebrate. That’s how the Sirius Lost His Virginity Party of 1975 was born, for instance. Partying just gets boring if it’s done too frequently. 

“So we’re throwing a gay-friendly party, Friday night” finishes Remus, after explaining to Lily the Marauders’ philosophy on the issue of partying. 

“Really? And whose idea was that?” 

“James’” Remus sighs. “He wanted it to be the Moony Is as Straight as a Rainbow Party but I refused, so he came up with a less obvious option”

“Right” says Lily, unsure. “And how will this help you get into Sirius’ pants?”

“According to James, I just need to blatantly flirt with another bloke and Sirius will, and I quote, drag me up to the bedroom and mark me like a dog in heat” Remus laughed, as if the idea of Sirius marking him in any way didn’t make his insides purr like an excited kitten. 

“How poetic” Lily snorted. “So is it gay-exclusive?”

“No. I’ll invite the blokes and girls I know are gay and ask them to spread the word to those they know of” he explained, “but we’re also inviting everyone who still wants to come after we tell them what the party is about. Except Slytherins, obviously”

“Hey” Sirius sits next to them in the sofa. He looks tired, even though it’s only ten o’clock and he doesn’t usually go to bed before past midnight. Not that Remus knows his sleeping habits or anything.

“I’m going up” announces Lily, yawning. “Good night, Rems. Black.”

“Evans” Sirius nods. Once Lily is out of sight, he turns to Remus and clears his throat. “So, James asked me about that party”

“Oh, right.” Every Marauder has to approve of an idea before it’s carried out. It didn’t occur to Remus that Sirius might not approve. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s great Prongs is finally accepting himself.” He puts a hand in his chest and wipes fake tears with the other. “I’m proud of our little gay deer, aren’t you?”

Remus laughs, but it sounds forced. Sirius’ smile disappears. He begins to say something, but he seems to change his mind. Then he changes his mind again. 

“You do know I’m into blokes, don’t you?” He speaks so quickly Remus almost doesn’t catch his words. 

“I… I didn’t, no” Remus stammers. He doesn't want to explain that he was talking about that with James the day before, and he wants to hear Sirius say it.

“Well, I am.” Sirius won’t look him in the eyes and Remus fights the impulse of grabbing him by the chin and forcing him to do so. “I wasn’t trying to hide it, you know? There’s just not many guys interested in being seen with me”

“Yeah, sure.” Remus doesn’t need to tell Sirius he’s handsome, the guy has looked at a mirror before. 

“No, really,” insists Sirius. “Most gay blokes I know don’t get the whole go-both-ways thing. They either think I’m looking for attention or in denial. Some girls are not too keen on the idea either.” He forces a smile. “There’s more girls to choose from, though”

“That’s so stupid!” he exclaims. He can’t believe someone has rejected Sirius fucking Black because of something so ridiculous. It’s quite hypocritical even, for gay gays to go around judging someone for who they feel attracted to. “I wouldn’t mind that you like girls!”

The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them. Sirius finally looks him in the eyes. The expression in his face reminds Remus of that time in sixth year when James told Sirius he could keep living in his house until they finished school. 

“Thanks, Moons” he murmurs. 

Somehow, Remus notices, they are sitting much closer than they were when Lily left. He’s suddenly aware of Sirius’ knee against his own, of an arm extended behind him in the back of the sofa, of his body inclined towards Sirius’. A dark lock falls over the boy’s forehead and Remus’ hand aches from the need to put it behind his friend’s ear, to ran his fingers through black long hair. Sirius quickly licks his lips and Remus unconsciously lets out some embarrassing kind of whimper. Two gray eyes search for his and they appear to ask a question. Remus’ amber ones answer  _ yes, yes, please, yes. _

The sound of someone rushing down the stairs fills the silent room. “Have you guys seen my wand?” asks Peter, strolling towards them, already in his pajamas.

Just like that, the moment is gone. Sirius sighs and smiles at Remus as if apologizing for the interruption. “I’ve told you a million times, Wormsy. You can’t go around putting things up your ass and then forgetting they’re there” 

Remus bursts out laughing.

 

 

Remus studies the bottle of Firewhisky James put on his hand a few minutes ago. On the one hand, getting a bit drunk will help him loosen up; on the other hand, he does not want to lose control and end up vomiting on Sirius’ shoes.

“I’ll have a sip of that” Lily takes the bottle off his hand. She does not take only a sip. 

“I think that’s enough!” Remus exclaims. He tries to take back the bottle, but Lily strengthens her grip. “Lily, let go, you’re already drunk”

“Hey, hey, hey” she shouts. A few students turn to look at her. “Fuck off, mom. Where does James?” She chuckles. “Is, is, is. I’ll give him a kiss. Ha, I made a rhyme, mom!” She laughs again and goes, drunkenly pushing through the crowd of dancing students.

The music changes from a rock magic band to a David Bowie song. Remus wanders around the room looking for Sirius. He finally spots him, singing at the top of his lungs as he dances with…

With a guy.

Remus swallows. The guy is quite cute, and he does not look like Remus at all. In fact, it could be said that he is the complete opposite to Remus: shorter than Sirius, silky black hair, a nose ring, tight leather pants and pressed close to Sirius in a way that the song does not call for. 

“Hey,” says a voice behind him, and Remus feels someone pat his shoulder. He turns around to find a boy smiling at him. Remus recognizes him as Marcus Mckenzie, from Ravenclaw. “Having a nice time?”

Remus lets his eyes quickly travel up and down the guy. He’s definitely cute. As tall and slim as him, with a nice shirt tucked in, curly blond hair and dark blue eyes. So, not at all similar to Sirius. 

“I am now,” he replies, trying to show his most dashing smile. 

The boy blushes. “You’re Remus, right?”

“Yes. And you’re Marcus, I remember you”

“Remember me from where?” asks the blond, frowning.

“Oh, just from staring at you in Potions,” answers Remus. The boy, unbelievably, blushes even more. Remus feels guilty. He realises he is going to be using this guy, and immediately feels his determination crumble. He rubs the back of his neck. “Look, Marcus. I’m not… I’m not looking for anything… serious,” he stutters. The irony doesn’t escape him. “I mean, you’re cute, and if you’d like to dance I… but I’m not…”

The boy chuckles. “Don’t worry. I know you’re…” Remus sees him throw a glance at Sirius and his dance partner. “I get it. But if you want to dance or, well, just have a good time, only for tonight... I’m okay with that”

Remus sighs. Apparently, the whole school knows that he’s disgustingly smitten with his best friend, so he doesn’t see the harm in being honest.

“Look, this whole party is… I mean, it was time someone threw a party like this. But really the whole reason of this party was for me to flirt with a cute boy to try to make Sirius jealous”

“So you think I’m cute enough to make Sirius Black jealous?” the boy smiles. 

“Yes,  _ if _ he is in anyway interested in me, which I don’t believe for a second but are stupid enough to want to prove” 

Marcus looks at him silently for a moment. Then he sighs, offering Remus a hand. “Okay then, let’s dance”

Remus gives him a grateful smile and takes his hand, letting himself be dragged towards the crowd. The song suddenly changes to a more romantic (sexier) one, and Remus turns around to spot James with his wand in hand. The boy winks at him and Remus rolls his eyes.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks Marcus. The boy grins and presses his hands on Remus’ hips, bringing their bodies closer as he starts to move to the rhythm of the song.

“Don’t worry. It’s not like I’m not getting anything out of it”

People are watching them. He can feel their eyes burning on his neck, and he guesses a lot of them are figuring out who this party is for. The staring doesn’t last long, though; soon, everyone is too drunk or too horny to care, and they return to their dancing (which, because of James’ choice of music, is more of an unsubtle grinding).

Marcus is good at dancing, Remus has to admit. In fact, he is so good at it that Remus almost forgets about Sirius for a moment, too lost in images of what else Marcus can use those sinful hips for. 

“He’s looking at us,” Marcus whispers. He smiles proudly, and Remus decides right there that if the whole thing with Sirius doesn’t work out, he’s definitely going to ask this boy out. “Can I kiss you?”

Remus’ heart beats faster. “If you want to, but you don’t have…”

Marcus doesn’t allow him to finish the sentence, pressing his lips against Remus’. The kiss is slow and deliberate, and it makes him go all weak in the knees. However, it ends abruptly. 

“Moony,” says a voice next to them. Marcus takes a step back. Sirius throws him a poisonous glance and focuses on Remus. “I need to talk to you”

Remus represses a smile, and then looks apologetically at Marcus. “Sorry, Marcus. I’ll be back in a minute”

Sirius turns around and, without checking if Remus is following him, walks towards the stairs. Marcus winks at Remus and disappears in the crowd.

 

 

“That was a bit rude, you know?” he mumbles, entering their bedroom and closing the door behind him. 

Suddenly, he’s pushed against said door. He feels all the air in his lungs escape his body.

“What the…?”

“Were you doing it on purpose?” Sirius asks, placing his hands on the door next to Remus’ head.

“Wh-What?” he stutters. 

“Now, don’t play dumb, Remus” Sirius orders, stepping impossibly closer. “I saw you down there, dancing,  _ grinding _ against that Ravenclaw fucker. Did you do it on purpose?”

Remus gapes at him, feeling panic boil up in his stomach.

Sirius chuckles, but he doesn’t look amused. He looks angry, and Remus thinks he’s going to be sick. “ _ Oh, Sirius, you can handle my wand everyday, _ ” he mocks. “At first that was kinda funny, I guess, because at least you weren’t angry at me, but what you did tonight was just mean”

Now Remus is simply confused. “What are you talking about? Why would  _ I _ be angry at  _ you _ ?”

He sees Sirus hesitate. “Well, because… Because I have a crush on you”

“ _ You _ have a crush on  _ me _ ?” Remus exclaims. Sirius steps back.

“Yeah, I thought you knew! Weren’t you making fun of it, with those… those cheesy, dirty lines?”

Remus’ jaw is definitely going to hurt tomorrow if it keeps falling to the floor all the time. “Making fun? I was  _ flirting _ with you! Or trying to, at least”

“That… you were  _ flirting _ with me?” Sirius repeats.

“Yes! Have been for the last three years now, but thanks for noticing,” Remus chuckles. He takes a step forward, and boldly takes his hand to Sirius’ cheek. “I have a crush on you too, Sirius. I have for a long time now. That bloke, Marcus, tonight… I was only trying to make you jealous”

“Oh.” Sirius lets out a sigh. His mouth curves into a suggestive smile, and Remus feels his whole body turn to jelly. “So… I can handle your wand whenever I want, eh?”

Remus feels himself blushing hard. “You’re never letting me live this one down, are you?”

Sirius’ smile gets bigger, and he gently presses his hands to Remus’ hips. He feels himself being pushed towards the door again. “Oh no, Moony-Moons, I quite like it when you talk all dirty”

Remus whimpers softly when he feels Sirius nuzzle his neck. 

“You know, Remus,” mutters Sirius, leaving a trail of kisses up his neck. His tongue touches Remus’ skin and he bites his lower lip hard, repressing a moan. “You’re just like a bottle of Skele-Gro”

Remus frowns, suddenly confused again. “What?”

He feels Sirius smile against his neck. “Yeah,” he whispers seductively. “Because you’re growing me a bone”

“Oh fuck off!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to YouBlitheringIdiot for reading and commenting all my stories, I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint <3<3 
> 
> One comment can make my day!
> 
> P.S: I didn't make up any of the pick-up lines, I found them somewhere in Tumblr but can't remember whose blog it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me so so happy, please consider leaving one (bad or good) :D


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